Visions From Within

There are times when visions of the sleeping demons which reside within are brought forth from chambers of Darkness within my mind. Even now, they stir and are restless as I hear the echo of the Lock and Load mechanism of 9 mm, Mini-14 and pump shotguns… As I wait for the sharp crack of the shouts everything seems to go black. Had only a second or two gone by–or was it longer than that? I had no idea but as I focused and brought myself back from the abyss, I realized that it was not me that was hit, but one of the vatos in front of me. It was not my own brains, blood, and shards of bone that was spattered everywhere… It was his–the vato that was laid out in front of me. With the screws yelling commands, whistleblowing, alarm sounding, and the familiar sound of keys rattling in rhythm with running footsteps… All I could do was step over the vato’s body. My boot coming down into a pool of blood that had already formed under the collapsed corpse. What’s gacho about the experience was I couldn’t even kneel down to help the vato for if I or anyone else would have done so the movements would have been construed or interpreted as aggressive and would have been placed in the same peril. An unknown and inexplicable hatred and rage surged through me for the animal that had just blown this vato’s brains out all over me. I was forced to step over him, walk away, and do so without showing any emotion whatsoever. For many years I was somewhat psychologically affected due to the blood I can never wash, sandpaper, or polish off my boots. Though at times I buffed out such a shiny gloss that the boots resembled mirrors. The stains seemed never to completely disappear. Perhaps the stains were only so deeply engraved into my subconscious that no matter what I did I could never remove them. As I relive the scenes and sequences of those events I can physically feel the anxiety, tension, and fear, as well as hear screams and sounds of chaos and disorder. The visions and images within are all alive and well. The memories of endless carnage and bloodshed are impossible to escape from or forget. They are as vivid as if I had only lived them moments ago. As I know not how to control these Demons of darkness which refuse to release the visions of chaos, madness, anxiety, death, angry hatred, despair, and fear, I can only hope to contain them. To witness grave injuries or the deaths of warriors who have stood beside me in peace-time and in battle is a heavy burden to bear, especially when one cannot reach out and help those Brave Fallen comrades. At times it’s almost unbearable to sit and hear the screams from within as their echoes reverberate through the chambers of my spirit. As pintos it’s not each to live with these conflicts, memories, and visions but what other choices do we have? As Warriors we are men of many wars, visions, and injustices. Our environments often dictate our actions, and although alive and seemingly healthy on the outside, within is a constant battle submerged in turmoil and conflict, the spirits of darkness which control those images, visions, and memories will never completely relinquish their hold on us. Though it is difficult to relive these memories they will forever be a part of us. So difficult to understand, as terrorizing as many of these visions are, they will always contribute to our inner strength and struggles and in them we will continue forward…and make it.

by Robert J. Garcia
PSP SHU
Copyright 2000

FATHERS AND SONS (A Play Written by Prisoners)

Edited by:
Donald “C-Note” Hooker and Mohammed White Ali

A once in a generation work of art that gives voice to the boy in every man, and to the man who needs to be heard by every boy.

ABOUT

Fathers and Sons, was a play held March 15-17, 2017, at the California State Prison-Los Angeles County (CSP-LAC), and performed by the prisoners housed on the B Facility yard. It was directed by Leah Joki who was assisted by five professional actors under the supervision of Meri Parkarinen of The Strindberg Laboratory. It consisted of 20-acts. These were established works from playwrights such as Shakespeare and August Wilson. It also included original works from the CSP-LAC B Facility prisoners.
Fathers and Sons (A Play Written by Prisoners), is a multiracial work consisting of the edited and unedited versions of the written plays by the prisoners performed in March of 2017. This work also includes new material from CSP-LAC B Facility prisoners that were not a part of the original March playbill.

PLAYBILL

Another Wounded Soul
by Tuan Doan
Tears of Shame
by Tuan Doan
Running the Streets
by Mohammed E. White Ali
Father to Son
by Dontay Hayes
Accidental Legacy
by Derric Burbie
Foolish Man’s Land
by David Garcia
Chasing a Dream
by Travon Pugh
The Seed of Bonnie and Clyde (South Los Angeles Edition)
by Donald “C-Note” Hooker
Grandpa and Michael
by Jerry Cooley
My Father’s Gone
by Ira Benjamin

FROM THE EDITOR

I put together this compilation after conversing with most of the prisoner writers on the play Fathers and Sons, and hearing the frustrations of their stories being edited down. None of them have ever put on a prison play before and may not have understood brevity is good. But my concern was the editing of content. So much so, I felt it was a real travesty against our society.* I am quoted in a Paintoem as saying “We create monsters of ugliness but we’re scared to look at our own creations.” As a member of the Restorative Justice Community we believe at getting at the core truth. We will never get to the core of the mass incarceration problem here in America if we simply whitewash its causation. Simply acting that our criminal justice is justified because our prisons are full of degenerate Wally Cleaver’s of Leave It to Beaver, who’s background are from good homes is not the truth. This is not the general upbringing of the men in our prisons, nor the sons they have left, or are leaving behind. While not all women may agree, the Chorus of Voices are loud enough that bodies of work that give women insight into the man, man-child relationship, are helpful. In households where the woman is raising a man-child alone, her sisterhood, her gender, is not enough to rear a man. This is not some chauvinistic banter, but is the authentic Chorus of Voices of single women households raising a man-child. A man must be involved in this endeavor. While Fathers and Sons (A Play Written by Prisoners), cannot substitute for a living, breathing, and present male, it is a must-read for the junior males of our society. An insight, a tour, of how one gets into a mess, and how to avoid it.
Finally, for those who want to work with prisoners and have their voices heard, don’t whitewash it. To do so makes about as much sense as a U.S. President serving a foreign dignitary a state dinner consisting of the cuisine from that dignitary’s homeland. When foreign Heads of State come to America, feed them hamburgers. We live in a golden age of television that was founded on the backs of cable shows such as Sex in the City, The Sopranos, and further exacerbated by Breaking Bad. The point being, the American public will support gritty reality. And these were my frustrations, and my passions, in presenting to you, Fathers and Sons (A Play Written by Prisoners.

Click here for link to free download of play Fathers and Sons (A Play Written by Prisoners)
Related Links:
Prison Foundation
The Strindberg Laboratory
Leah Joki

*This comment should not be misconstrued. Leah Joki is a Julliard trained actress, and has over twenty years of teaching prisoners theater. She is highly beloved by her students. The schism between writers and the direction a director takes the writer’s written material is nothing new to the process or the industry.

Artwork:
Dreams of the Fathers
by: C-Note